That is how I have felt about 2012….and I’m ready for some “drier” weather for 2013.
As most of you know, we started off 2012 with Liam breaking his left femur two weeks before my C-section with Cohen. After two months of constant doctor appointments for all three of us, we seemed to catch a break, only to have Jerad start having some pretty nasty stomach problems. He is now not eating dairy or meat (two of his most favorite food groups) and seems to be feeling better. But with the stress from the beginning of this year, we all have felt pretty lifeless and miserable both physically and emotionally.
Then this past couple months, poor Liam started getting random and very painful abscesses on his body. More doctor appointments, antibiotics and trial and error with home remedies fixed nothing. Then another one popped up on his stomach, resulting in a fever and severe infection. We found ourselves yet again visiting Kaiser Hospital, this year’s home away from home it seemed for an emergency surgery to have the abscess drained and removed. Also for the third time this year, Liam was put under general anesthesia. After the surgery and cultures were taken from his wound, test results came back positive for a MRSA Staph infection. What?!? How did he pick that up?! Apparently it’s everywhere, and the doctor said he most likely picked it up from playing at a park or even from another child as it is easily passed from person to person. Gross. Now I have the strong desire to hose down all our parks with bleach and envelop Liam in a giant bubble.
He was such a trooper and brave little 2year old. Jerad and I were on the brink of a breakdown and yet Liam kept on smiling. When he was not being examined or having his bandages changed, he was dragging his IV machine along the hospital hallway pretending to be a pirate to whomever would pay attention. The nurses took quite a fancy to their lil’ Pirate patient who would calmly hold out his arm and finger when it was time to check his vitals and who decided he was big enough to have his temperature taken orally instead of with the “baby” temperature wand.
From early Monday afternoon until late Thursday night, Jerad and I took turns between sleeping and caring for Liam at the hospital and caring for Cohen. When we both were needed at Liam’s side, which was most of the time, my amazing mother took care of sweet Cohen. I have never felt such a strong need to duplicate myself than this past week. Most days I fed Cohen and then had to pass his off to my mom or Jerad since it wasn’t safe for him to spend time with us at the hospital. It broke my heart and it stressed Cohen out as well….poor lil’ peanut now has his first cold/cough. (just another 2012 kidney punch)
Finally late Thursday night, we were finally all under the same roof, and cuddled on the couch.
Every morning since, and probably for a few more, we have to take Liam back to the clinic to have the packing in his golf ball size wound slowly removed. It is a very painful process and usually requires Jerad and I pinning him down against me. I can’t even begin to tell you how hard it is to pin your child down as he is screaming out to you. The procedure only takes about 5 minutes, but it feels like eternity and quickly afterwards as Liam is back to himself and excited to push the elevator button, I’m ready to hide in a hole and die for awhile.
The past 24 hours I have spent disinfecting and cleaning every toy, stuffed animal, blanket and surface in the house. Lysol disinfecting spray and Clorox Bleach wipes have become my best buds being never far from reach.
The rule of thumb was that if the toy didn’t survive the hot cycle through the washing machine, or a very hot bleach soaking, it got tossed. Was this absolutely necessary? Maybe not to the extent I cleaned, but I wanted to show this stupid MRSA who’s the boss! Although it was very time consuming and honestly a big pain in the butt, everything is clean and it also helped me get rid of a lot of stuff we no longer needed.
I’m sorry that this post isn’t rainbows and sparkles and wonderful lessons learned. I’m still struggling with everything and although I know God is sovereign and never allows more than I can handle, I’m sad and maybe even a little bitter.
I told Jerad that I keep hoping that on New Year’s Eve at 12:01am, we will all be happy and healthy and any thought of maxing out our hospital deductibles a thing of the past.
I cling to these verses right now. They give me strength and renew my faith throughout these difficult moments and remind me that I am not alone. We do not face these hard trials by ourselves.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your Faithfulness. “
-Lamentations 3:22-23
“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
-1 Peter 5:7
